The Masks We Wear
by Gladius Grim
Summary: Clark Kent isn't the only one with an alter ego, friendship gains much for the two; but will the fear of losing it keep the two for trying for more? CLOIS
1. Chapter 1 Isolation

**Title: The Masks We Wear****  
****Author: L. Edwards ****  
****Rating: PG-13**

**Disclaimer: Nothing is mine… well some things are mine but not these things.****  
****A/N: Originally written in 2007, I put it aside after posting two chapters on LaneKent. I have edited Chapter one and re-written part of chapter two and will go from there. **

**Thank you to Elicia1 for pointing out my tenses issue, this chapter has been fixed.******

**Summary: Clark Kent isn't the only one with an alter ego, friendship gains much for the two; but will the fear of losing it keep them for trying for more? **

_**Chapter 1: Isolation**_

The cool breeze, rustling leaves and the last golden glimpses of the setting sun caressed the small rising hill. At the crest of the knoll bathed in the dying light, was the form of a young man deep in thought. Clark Kent had pulled his knees up towards his chest, using his arms as pillows for his chin. Watching from his vantage point as life continued on in the distance, it left him to ponder thoughts of his very own existence. He didn't want power, money, or privileges; of that much Clark was certain. He wanted a life like that of his friends: a normal life. In truth, he wanted to be in control of his future. He didn't want to allow others to shape the man he was to become. Inhaling deeply, he closed his eyes and enjoyed the moment. A sigh escaped his lips as he thought about what the future held. Then he leaned back, locking his fingers behind his head and relaxing his legs, letting them stretch out on the ground and gazing up into the sky. He knew he had choices, but those options possibly held very dark consequences.

He closed his eyes. It just seemed that all those paths led to darkness, death, and his damnation. The path set by Jor-El had already cost him more than he could accept, but his Kryptonian father wasn't asking of him anything that he himself hadn't been willing to do.

Clark watched as the sky became blackened by the quick spread of night. Studying, visualizing, as if each pinprick of light was a choice. The first one that came to mind was Lana Lang, but even as that surfaced in his mind, it was cast away. Even now the pain was deadening. The turmoil had surprised him, because it wasn't the anger over breaking up with her that he expected. Instead the anger was a form of guilt because Clark had found out that the breakup had only hurt him because it hurt her … his friend. Time wasted. The remorse that it had pushed her to Lex burned in his mind for a moment, and even that vanished into spent ashes.

Lex. Yes, there was a conundrum for him. The many facets of the young man had given so much promise, but the man who he had befriended years ago had chosen a different path. A path in which he feared would end with either Lex or himself dead. How had he read him so wrong? Shaking his head, Clark moved to another speck of light and to another choice. Then again his choices had already alienated another friend – Pete Ross. And there were others he had lost … including his father. He wondered what sage advice Jonathan Kent would have expounded upon him at this moment. Would he even approve of the man he was becoming? Clark knew the answer immediately … he would, because he was his father. Tears formed in his eyes, blinking them away, he felt sorrow shiver him to the core. He used the back of his hand to wipe them away as he sat up again.

"Hey, Smallville."

The voice was soft and caressing. He forced himself not to look back towards her as he took a breath and stayed silent. He had inhaled her scent, clean and sweet without being too perfumed or thick. It was a scent he had learned to look for and as crazy as it seemed, it was comforting. He looked ahead, his eyes searching the darkness for an answer to his dilemma.

"I saw you up here and figured you could use some company."

He could hear the tentative probing of her voice, and when he didn't dispute her statement Lois sat down next to him, close enough to be invading his personal space. His eyes narrowed slightly, almost darkly as he turned his head to look at her; but her eyes were already focused on the stars above. Clark's eyes softened as they burned her features into his mind. He turned his head to look back at the stars, but all he saw was Lois' face. He opened his mouth to say something, and then closed it while he searched for the words.

"So does the pain ever go away?" Clark's voice was soft as he continued to scan the skies, yet he felt her eyes upon him. He turned his head towards her, his eyes finding hers.

"It fades over time." She gazed into his eyes. She felt like she was almost as if searching for something, but she looked away. "Like a dull ache, it's always there. Though…." She stopped; her eyes wide and bright with unshed tears as she became aware of what she was about to say.

"Though what Lois?" It was almost as if he could sense her sorrow and fear as he lightly laid a hand on her shoulder. She should have flinched from the contact, as she had from other people – including Chloe – when this subject came up. Instead she was surprised that she had to fight from relaxing into his touch. Her mind wandered back to a bedside in a hospital, where she found out that Clark Kent could send shivers down her spine with a gentle clasp of his hand over hers.

"Though eventually…." Her voice grew softer, "…The pictures within your mind become blurry and the very essence of them seem to vanish." Already, as she tried to remember her mother from a past event in her life, the translucence of the scene tore at her emotions, especially the guilt she felt. She shook her head, denying the existence of her tears or the swelling pain rising up through her throat.

Clark watched Lois' torment mutely. Without thinking, he put his arm around her and was surprised when she turned into his shoulder and shook almost silently, his head resting against hers. With his face buried in her hair, every breath he took was of her.

He wasn't sure how long they had been like this but he felt an inner peace he hadn't felt in a long time. Lois' form had stopped shuddering and had become still, her arms long since locked around him. Intertwined, the two found solace within each other's presence for hours in the silence.

"Lois?" Clark spoke quietly, wondering if Lois was asleep, hating to lose what they had found. He heard a small inquiring noise and smiled at her non-verbal answer. "Tell me about your mother…. Please." For a moment he wondered if she had heard him, she sat so still. Then she shifted back so she could see his eyes warily … searchingly. "Please Lois…. Tell me about her."

"Well…. Once upon a time, an Army Captain wandered through a small town…." Her voice filled the silence that had surrounded them, replacing it with the warmth of vivid memories. Clark smiled as he listened to her, his eyes searching her face for every change of expression. Lois' eyes were lit with happiness as she shared the stories of her family, and especially of her mother. She kept her eyes immersed in his, gaining confidence and trust from them. Feeling she had never felt this deeply before, her hand itched to caress his features but was afraid to break the moment. Her voice drifted softer as she spoke about her mother's declining health, including her own insecurity, and fears. Lois' eyes started to drift down away from Clark's, but a small movement and the gentlest pressure below her chin raised her shimmering gaze back to his. Her voice died away as tears slipped from the corners of her eyes as they closed in shame for showing weakness. Warmth blossomed on her cheeks as Clark's gentle caress wiped them away. Surprised, she opened her eyes warily as if she was about to run.

"It's okay to cry, Lois…. Just remember you're never alone," Clark's voice rumbled softly. His face was solemn and his eyes worried. Lois' returned the look, her eyes roaming his face, searching for any sign of betrayal or insincerity. Instead she found acceptance and the need for the same from her, but there was also more. She felt his arms around her and instinctively found her own arms around him. She buried her face into his shoulder as small shudders rocked her frame. Hating that her weakness was on display, Lois turned her head to the side and looking up at Clark's face for judgment and disapproval. Her eyes widened at the sober visage and glistening eyes looking down at her. The corners of her mouth rose as she figured out she was no longer alone, Clark's creased and worried brow relaxed as he gazed into her eyes.

"Just remember you're not alone either, Clark…." Her hand reached up almost in wonder, caressing his jaw line as if making sure it wasn't a dream. She grinned as her hand moved up to ruffle his hair. "…Smallville." She shifted and leaned against him as the first shimmer of the sunrise glowed upon the horizon. Holding each other in a tender embrace, a gentle breeze caressed them embrace as the morning's first golden rays of sunshine bathed the small rising hill.

A new day was beginning.

-TBC-


	2. Chapter 2  Penance

**A/N: Thank you to Elicia1 for pointing out my tenses issue, this chapter has been fixed.******

_**Chapter 2: Penance**__****_

Flickering red and gold, an errant leaf drifts by from the draw of the autumn wind. Clark Kent watched as it floated to the ground. He was standing upon the crest of a knoll that he always considered one of his private spots. A touch of a smile caressed the corners of his mouth as he thought of that first moment here with Lois. Life was still shifting around him, like a never ending jigsaw puzzle and that no matter what pieces he placed where … he always seemed a step behind. His eyes narrowed as he gazed over the world as he once knew it, inhaling the familiar earthy clean scent of the change of seasons. Idyllic and logical, his future pretty much laid out. Shaking his head he even remembered Lois so easily telling him about the life she expected him to have so casually just a couple of years earlier…. It seemed like a lifetime now, a hard earned span already marking him and his soul.

He felt older, aged by life, his experiences, and especially his choices. His life as he once knew it was over; Clark had no doubts about that. Right now he was fulfilling his penance that began years ago for allowing out the criminals marooned in the Phantom Zone. Even if it should cost him his life, he would never be even. Taking a deep breath, his eyes closing as he wondered how many had died because of his need to save his own life. Each phantom criminal had been harder than the last, but now his path was as clear as the choice he made. He would see it through, though he wondered if his atonement would take the balance of his life.

"Life is rarely straightforward and easy, Kal-El." The deep resonant and familiar tone caused Clark to turn around staring into the red glowing eyes. The tall figure stood there, his presence mysterious and oddly welcome.

"Clark…. Call me Clark." His tone was matter of fact, his jaw set into a serious line.

"But Kal-El is your name." The Martian Manhunter cocked his head to the side slightly.

"Kal-El is my birth name, from a world I don't remember…. Clark Kent is who I am, the son of Jonathan and Martha Kent." His voice was sure and steady as the alien nodded.

"Your abilities define who you are." The Martian Manhunter tugged on the front of his trench coat as he stepped closer with a retort.

"No, my choices define who I am, my abilities help shape the choices I make, but they don't control them." Clark shook his head, missing the slight affirming nod of the Martian Manhunter.

"There is another who has surfaced." The alien with glowing red eyes spoke softly. Clark nodded. "It will be even harder…. More challenging."

Clark kept his face averted from the Martian Manhunter and took a steadying breath. In his mind he could only try to guess how bad it would be.

The eyes bore into Clark for a moment as the dark alien spoke. "It will be worse."

A moment later, Clark's gaze followed the Martian Manhunter as he quietly leapt away.

Clark turned and started to walk down the hill, which was sporadically painted with the yellow hues of fall's last grasp. He paused, glancing back at the rise of the knoll where he had sat with Lois not that long ago … Days really. His hand reached up but stopped midair to his lips. The taste of her lips and of her skin, the heat of her passion, the smell of her intoxicating scent, and the look in her eyes burning for him, reflecting the hunger he felt for her. Remembering her kiss, his eyes closed. He could see her there before him while under passion's influence, promising him all if he would give her the same promise. He shook his head, for a while it seemed the only way Lois would see him romantically would be due to drugs, alcohol, or insanity. Clark chuckled. Too bad, he mused, that he could not say the same, though insecurity about his secrets pressed about him as if he walked the shadows. Yet even that had changed due to his choices and hers.

Leaning against a fence rail in the reddish and orange flames churning throughout the gray and white sea of clouds while almost seeming to burn away the azure blue of the sky, Clark looked down and then reached for a small, smooth oblong rock. His thumb caressed the smooth surface as he thought of her … Lois Lane. Her dark hair and darker eyes glittering promises that are only enhanced by the sensuality of her mouth and those lips. He mused that she was not as annoying, or if she was it did not seem to bother him as much as when he first met her – well, not really at all. His arm casually swung low as he released the rock smoothly, within a second a railing in the distance exploded as splinters of wood fractured away. Clark's head dropped low, chagrined.

Raising his head and bathed in the glow of the setting sun, Clark leapt over the fence and walked back towards the farm in the distance. He shook his head as his thoughts turned back to Lois. She knew him so well, yet not all. Still she knew him better than anyone else. However, he knew that eventually her investigative instinct would uncover him. He wondered about her reaction, but he quickly shook off that line of thought. It was dangerous. Yet a part of him yearned to find the one who would love him for him. For now he was working towards atonement, then…. That stuck in his mind as he wondered how long this self-imposed penance would take. His eyes closed in resignation as he knew the true answer. He would fight evil as long as he had life, yet would that choice keep him from having a life?

The darkness of his 'Blur' outfit held the reserve he felt as he worked from the shadows: the black trench coat, t-shirt, and jeans with his family's symbol on his chest in white. The ends of that trench coat were pulled, tugged by the breeze as he looked down onto a star field of lights. The city lay below him, glistening lights punching through the darkness, stretching out in a seemingly endless sea. Turning his head, he scanned for any sound of distress or violence emanating from the world below. He had tried to live apart from her, of every person he turned his back on, she was the one he couldn't.

A familiar rhythm found his ears and Clark again turned his head searching for her – Lois Lane stood in the distance her arm raised as her hand shaded her eyes. The dark luxurious hair gently being pulled at by a gentle breeze and Clark wished it was him running his finger through her silken strands. His eyes narrowed as he walked back to her, his life before him, yet a portion of his life still hidden from her but for how long. She deserved to know.

-TBC-


	3. Chapter 3 Purgatory

**A/N: Thank you to Elicia1 for pointing out my tenses issue, this chapter has been fixed.****  
**

**Chapter Three: Purgatory**

The subdued gray hues of the concrete façade that was Metropolis' old city center was dwarfed by the cold industrial steel-framed and glass clad edifices reaching up as if to pierce the brilliant cerulean sky. Weaving between the structures and washing away the ominous darkness before it, the light burned away the drab exteriors and set aflame the colors of signage, islands of nature, and streams of the city's denizens. Splashes of an artist's palette flickered by as people and cars jockey to move across the wide ribbons of cement and asphalt. A cacophony of sound embattled the city with voices raised, engines roaring, horns blaring, punctuated by the occasional police sirens screaming.

In the midst of the controlled chaos, stood a man who half turned to take in the images, scents, sounds and textures around him, filling his superior senses. His blue eyes flickered searchingly throughout the crowd; he turned his head slightly as he listened closely. A smile soon pulled on the corners of his mouth as he strode forward clad in a dark gray suit, white shirt and red tie. Moving through the crowd, almost oblivious to those around him as if they were nothing more than obstacles he takes care not to damage. His eyes were drawn upward to see the shining golden globe, the symbol of the Daily Planet newspaper. As his eyes were pulled back down, he saw her…. Lois. Her eyes seemed to find his soon after and a bright wide smile filled her face as she lifted one of the two cups of coffee she was holding towards him. He took the offered cup and raised a small white bag with a teasing raise of his eyebrow.

"Smallville…" Lois chided as she raised her eyes to capture his after glancing at the bag. "It better be what I think it is and there better be enough in there for the both of us or you are going without." She took the proffered bag curiously like a child opening a Christmas present and peeked in with a knowing smile then glanced back up at Clark Kent. She nodded towards the row of art deco designed doors. "You know the way to my heart … maple donuts." She swung around heading to entrance to the building; Clark strode closely next to her. From time to time he felt her arm brush his and as they entered the elevator. She always stood close to him, or was he the one who had moved closer to her? He listened to her rant about the subject of their latest investigative story. Her strong voice resonated as though it was siren's song. A smile crested his lips unbidden, her words losing any meaning beyond a reminder of her there with him. His eyes followed the movements of her body as he let her lead. Then he frowned as she stopped and turned around, her dark eyes searching his, an eyebrow raised in mock irritation, betrayed by her smirk. "Enjoying the view Smallville?" Her whisper seemed like a shout as she moved into his personal space. "Open your ears, close your mouth, and walk in front of me." She grinned as she leered. "It's my turn to take the scenic route."

Clark blushed, feeling the heat in his cheeks especially as she leaned forward and whispered in his ear. "Anytime you're ready farm boy."

He ducked his head as her laughter, velvet and smooth, sounded behind and seem to follow him. He could hear the rustle of her dress, the sound of her breath and the tempo of her heart. His sensitive hearing cued in on her especially when she was out of his line of sight. His lips curved into a slight smile as he listened to the quickening of her heart matched by her breathing. He caught sight of her in the reflection of the bullpen's glass walls moving behind him … hunting him. As they crossed the threshold of the room Clark moved to their desks. Mahogany stained hardwood that had seen better days decades ago and now collected sheets of paper and warred with the computer monitor, mouse and keyboard for space. The ivory-like carved letters stood out in stark difference to the plastic ebony backed name plates that sat almost side to side.

Clark reached out to pull out his chair to sit down as he looked towards Lois. Her hair was pulled up as if to contain the dynamo that she was, and the business suit and pencil skirt combination in a dark navy that didn't seem to shout out "conservative!" as much as it did "unwrap me" to Clark. The cut of her jacket and the blouse's two open buttons allow him just a glimpse of her…. His eyes soon found hers and the game was up. A sensual arched eyebrow met his gaze. Lois' eyes were filled with something intense; Clark wasn't sure if it was passion or irritation, and not taking chances, he cast his gaze away to his computer screen. They were taking a break. Clark sighed as he remembered that no, she's taking a break from him, and he can't blame her. The half-truths he offered her for his disappearances were not sufficient and he knew she sensed the lies.

"Why such a large sigh, Smallville? Someone tip your cow?" Lois teased him as she stood up and moved closer.

Her delicious scent filled his personal space as she leaned against his desk. His eyes immediately snapped up to hers and his hands yearned to pull her through the last remaining space between them. He could see the worry there in her eyes; it was there whenever she looked at him lately. What she didn't understand was that he was fighting an urge within him: the man that raged for the woman within arm's reach but just out of the bounds she had established for them…. For him. His eyes dropped away from hers and he shook his head, not trusting his own voice to say the words without trembling. He could feel the pain that seemed to hammer his heart, a sense of loss he had never had with Lana Lang. With Lana it was the frustration of getting the picture perfect life, the kind as seen on television with the promise of proving how normal he was. Instead television rarely mimicked reality, and in the end he knew that his desperation was for something that never existed and that Lana had, over the years, grown into a perfect stranger. Clark wasn't sure now if he had actually seen Lana for her real self at all. Instead he had been locked in the fantasy of a young boy looking for a life that wouldn't set him apart from others. Now his life had come full circle with the truth and he was apart from others – even those like Oliver and the rest of the hero team. Then there was Lois, the woman who seemed to have been there from the beginning, yet in the almost six years he'd known her she'd managed to intertwine herself into every aspect of his life….

A small slap hit the back of Clark's head and he looked up, an eyebrow raised in askance.

Lois had waited for a response from Clark Kent as she sat on his desk's edge. His dark black hair that caused her fingers to flex wanting to run them through the strands. She cocked her head to the side as she contemplated the man before her. Like the blue-white bolt of lightning that had caused her to turn her car into the cornfield where she had found him, he had blown his way into her life. In the five years, eight months, and some odd time she had been here or been drawn back to the Kents', but always to him. Even when she had stayed with Chloe's family she had to first see him. To be honest it kind of irritated her but it also scared her because whenever he looked at her it was as if Clark has the ability to see her, the vulnerable Lois. So for a child whose father commanded brigades, Lois learned early on that the best defense was a good offense. She had used it with others; keeping them at bay and giving herself a level of control. The problem was her farm-boy gave as good as he got and that seemed to escalate it even more. Not to mention he drove her crazy with his brooding over Lana Lang who seemed to trampled over him regularly and brutally. She just wanted to throttle someone…. Her eyes widened at the realization at her thoughts – her farm-boy…. Damn that not again. Lois looked at Clark then just slapped the back of his head. His eyes flickered to her questioningly.

"Your reset button needed to be hit." She softly smirked at him while inside she felt a little sorry for hitting him. She stood up needing to put space between them and she schooled her features, hiding a slightly wistful look. She already missing his scent. He still wore the brand of cologne she had got him that Christmas so long ago. Of course it helped that she kept buying it for him under one guise or another. Damn he smelled good. She fought her sigh successfully as she sat down in front of her computer. She knew she was responsible for this current situation … well, challenge. Dumb tractor-fixing, dog-loving... Wait – she loved Shelby too. Dumb tractor-fixing, cow-milking, egg-picking, son of a…. Wait – she loved his parents almost as if they were hers. So she settled for one word: "Idiot."

She could hear him shifting in his chair to see if she was looking at him. Instead she stared at her screen and didn't even look up to see his expression. She quietly dared him to say anything; then again she'd been daring him to not just accept the pause in their relationship but to demand his place in her life. Sure she had questions about the Blur and for some reason that pulled at her to protect the protectors. Lois knew why; it was the attributes of the Blur she liked that she saw in the man she loved … er … had feelings for. She did sigh now – yes, she loved Clark but did he love her or would he leave her when Lana came back? She closed her eyes as she remembered Chloe's wedding, the way he walked to Lana and the pain she'd felt in her chest. She had even left him standing in that white, sterilized hall of the hospital without a word. He had Lana and Chloe had needed her with Jimmy. She still felt the deep pain at the realization she'd had as she'd walked to board the medical transport helicopter, that the only person she fooled was herself. She'd not planned on returning, but she had and she knew why. Would she be like Clark, chasing after that one elusive person?

Lois' thoughts turned to the memories of how she felt intertwined with him, just being there for each other. She glanced away from her computer screen and watched Clark. Her eyes narrowed as she followed the lines of his face as he concentrated on typing up a story. The clicking of his keyboard seemed to entrance her as the noise of the rest of the bullpen fell away. She leaned forward. Her mind played back to the surprise attack kiss by Clark in this very same bullpen. She could feel his lips against hers and his tongue caressing… Lois sat back blinking, still looking at Clark. She could hear her name, but his lips weren't moving. She blinked again as he looked at her perplexed.

"Lois?" Robert's voice filled the silence as soon the sounds of the bullpen flooded back into her awareness. "Have you been listening to me?" The man was thin-faced, thin-lipped, and on thin ice with Lois. She swiveled in her chair to face the intern.

"Robert, you need to stop mumbling." Lois spoke coolly. Ignoring the intern's glare, she turned back to her computer and looked at Clark, who in spite of himself, was smiling. Lois returned the smile then looked at the aggravated young man. "So what were you trying to tell me?"

"The boss wants you and Kent to cover the opening ceremony of the Huddleston Bridge this afternoon," Robert answered her and silently counted to ten.

"What! A bridge, Robert?" She turned to Clark exasperated. "I mean what could possibly be newsworthy there?"

"Three – a new record." Robert rolled his eyes and ignored her rant as he walked off. Clark shook his head not understanding what the intern meant.

"Well, Lois," he added warily, "the opening ceremony is certainly newsworthy." When Lois looked at him Clark winced. "That was a rhetorical question wasn't it?" Lois just stared at him, crossing her arms across her chest and raising an eyebrow, still silent. "Yes, Smallville, it was," Clark answered his question for her.

A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth that soon broke into an open grin as she waggled her finger at him. "Just for that Clark, you're buying lunch." She glanced at the clock then looked over to her partner. "Let's get our stories in, then we have a date with a bridge." Lois looked up at Clark's shocked look. "Well after a suitable lunch, and remember your nickname is Smallville and not cheapskate," she added in a mock warning tone. Then she smiled, looking forward to an afternoon with Clark. Date…. Her eyes widened. "You know this isn't an official date, right?" She wasn't going to give him an easy out; he still had to make the choice to come after her.

Clark frowned thoughtfully.

"Is this another rhetorical question?"

-TBC-


End file.
